- Disabusing yourself of the “Soul Mate” myth is the first step to taking the red pill.
- Suicidal men are typically motivated by a belief that they lost “The ONE”
- You don’t find a “quality woman.” A woman’s personality changes depending on the man she’s with.
- Women see “displays of alpha” as disingenuous from predominantly emotional guys, but they see an alpha’s rare moments of vulnerability as endearing.
- Women are privately frustrated whenever her man displays incompetence.
- “Dangerous Times” – Rollo’s article series on the dangers of the #MeToo era
Jared’s “Dare to Be Devoted” commercial shows a woman getting on her knee to propose to the man. The subtext is that the woman now has the power to be the selector.
Rollo’s background is working for ad agencies. He says that ad agencies are either owned by a woman or driven by the feminine imperative. Rollo knows of one major agency that positions itself as being “edgy”, i.e. anything but traditional gender roles.
Rollo says he’s not against marriage. He’s simply against men getting into “I didn’t see it coming” marriages.
Today, we live in society where the “beta buck” side of hypergamy is almost completely satisfied for a woman, so they are focusing almost exclusively on the “alpha fucks.” Beta guys will be considered “creepy” to women and ostricised. We’re seeing a reversal of conventional gender roles.
Men are hesitant to approach women because there’s greater risk.
The Soul Mate Myth
Rollo says the Soul Mate is the myth that causes the most damage in men’s lives.
We bring boys up to have the same ideals that women should have. Boys grow up thinking there’s “one special person” for everyone. This is the fairy tale of monogamy.
Rollo began to notice intergender dynamics when studying behavioral psychology in school. He realized that boys and men were conditioned to respond in certain ways (e.g. wife withholding sex). There was a “blue pill conditioning” that was shaping the behaviors of men.
Rollo says that the Soul Mate idea has almost become a religion. There’s a pervasive belief that there is one special person who “God ordained me to be with.” Even atheists still believe this myth. We have this believe that there’s only one perfect match for these souls to come together for a beautiful relationship. And if you don’t find your soul mate? Well, you’re fucked.
Women have a predisposition towards the supernatural (e.g. astrology, tarrot, metaphysical stuff). One of the reasons women don’t want to “settle” is because they feel they’re missing out on their soul mate. “The one that got away… the one that God should have given me.”
It’s easy to sell women the fantasy that they can divorce their husband, detonate the family and go get the second chance at their Soul Mate. The Soul Mate is an easy justification for her hypergamous instinct.
Hypergamy is based on doubt: doubt that she got the right guy. “Is he the best I could do?” When you mix in a supernatural element, the perfect hypergamous match becomes the “Soul Mate.”
Rollo says there is no ONE woman who is suited for you. There are types of women who are suited for you, but there is no ONE. There are good ones, and bad ones.
Why is the “Soul Mate” myth so dangerous?
When you believe in the Soul Mate, you get yourself into trouble. You develop a scarcity mentality.
Men change over time. The right one for you when you’re twenty might not be the right one for you when you’re thirty. A man needs to be aware of this before entering a monogomous marriage. A common example is men who are deployed in the military. When he comes back, he’s not the same guy and this can put a lot of strain on relationhips. Unless he has a “ride or die” woman, it’s going to be difficult to hold that relationship together.
Rollo says dispelling the Soul Mate / ONEitis myth literally saves men’s lives. So many guys put a gun in their mouth because he couldn’t get his “one” back. School shooters are typically young men who have been jilted by a girlfriend he thought was going to be the ONE.
A while back, Rollo counseled a high school girl who was terrified for her life. She broke up with her boyfriend and got a new boyfriend. Her old boyfriend stabbed the new boyfriend 32 times. He went to jail and was tried as minor. The girl was terrified he was going kill her when he got out. His mentality was that if “he couldn’t have her, then nobody could have her.”
Men have picked up on the Soul Mate myth and incorporated it into their own idealistic approach to love.
Rollo says disabusing yourself of the Soul Mate myth is the first step to becoming Red Pill. Men become suicidal because they earnestly believe they’re going to have a future with a particular woman and then suddenly she goes feral and he’s left with nothing. He built his life around the idea he’d be with this woman. When you remove the woman, you remove his life. His ego is invested in the Soul Mate myth.
“Without her, I am nothing” is what guys tell themselves. If she dies or leaves him, he doesn’t know what to do with himself.
You’ve got guys that look and act like “hardass” alpha men (e.g. Anthony Bourdain), but they turn to mush in a relationship.
If you believe there is only one person for you, you develop a scarcity mentality. You’ll change everything about yourself to get the woman. This destroys a man because confident masculinity is derived from competence and options.
A lot of guys argue that it’s good to have ONEitis for your wife. But there’s a difference between a healthy attachment and an unhealthy attachment. If you are so needy and optionless that you believe only one person could be your all, that is dangerous.
The Myth of the “Quality Woman”
Rollo also says there’s no such thing as a “quality woman.” Women are women.
The woman you met at Bible study is operating on the same firmware as the woman you see in the club. The only difference is the level of self-control they have over their hypergamous instinct.
If a man backslides from being an alpha badass to being a beta guy, that changes the personality of the woman he’s with. There’s no insulation against hypergamy just because you met in church camp.
Some women will be better matches for you. Some women will be acculturated so they can keep their hypergamy under control.
Hypergamy is Not a Straightjacket
Some men say they’re not going to marry because hypergamy is going to make her go out and fuck another guy during her ovulatory phase. That’s not what hypergamy is about.
Hypergamy is about her wanting to get with the best man she can get with. If it’s a happy/satisfied relationship, women want to have sex MORE with the guy she’s with. Women who are in unhappy relationships tend to look for another man during her cycle.
Hypergamy is only as effective as the woman is able to exercise it. If you have a woman is a 6 or 7, she’s gonna have different options than a girl who’s a 8 or 9. Hypergamy is not a straightjacket.
The Vulnerability Myth
In recent times, men have been taught that they will connect better with women if they “open up” and share their emotions. The problem is that if you become the guy who’s regularly complaining about your problems at work or if you start crying about things on a regular basis, she will grow to resent you. That’s not why she got with you. You’re supposed to be her rock. The more weakness you show, the less you become in her eyes. If you show any weakness, she is going to use it against you the next time you’re in an argument.
It’s not that guys need to never feel anything or have moments of weakness. They just need to understand the impression that leaves with a woman.
Pat says if you are the man of the house, you have a responsibility to not overburden your wife. You need to be the competent one. You don’t want to unnecessarily unnerve her or have her worried about stuff.
Rollo says the idea of “vulnerability is strength” is wrongheaded. Vulnerability can have utility if it is a contrast to your character. If a man is a competent alpha guy who always has control of his emotions, and for the briefest moment he breaks down and shows one moment of vulnerability, that is way more endearing than the guy who wears his emotions on his sleeve all the time.
If you are predominanitly alpha, a moment of vulnerability is a strength. She will feel like she’s the only one who can draw that out of you. But first you have to be that alpha guy for her to draw that out of you. And these moments should be rare.
If you act angry all the time, you’re just throwing tantrums in her eyes. But if you have a rare moment of anger, that’s a flash of alpha.
If you are predominantly the emotional guy, she will see your moments of alpha resolve as you faking it and being something you’re not.
Men are naturally competitive with each other. If you teach them that the litmus test is how emotional you are, guys will try to out-emote each other in attempts to be attractive to women.
Men who get caught up in the vulnerability game tend to think stoic alphas are just putting on a “macho facade.” They have to affirm their ideas by making fun of you.
The sexual marketplace is ultimately about setting yourself apart from the competition. If men believe emotional availability and vulnerability is the key to standing out, you’re going to see guys bend over backwards.
Women intuitively want a guy who is strong and going to protect her. But they are educated to believe they don’t need that guy. There is a conflict between what society tells her and what she intuitively desires.
When a masculinized woman gets in a relationship with a feminized man, she wonders why she feels frustrated. She asks, “why is this man so incompetant?” and “why do I feel bad for feeling like he SHOULD be competent?”
Women are conditioned to believe what is against their mental firmware. Women have always looked for men who are competent (i.e. physical prowess, creative prowess, intelligence, social dominance, etc.).
In a woman’s hindbrain, she gets frustrated everytime her guy can’t fix a problem. Everytime there’s a problem she expects you to be able to solve and you have to rely on another man, something will bother her about that. If this happens enough, your dominant character in her mind is that you are vulnerable, incompetent, and beta.
It’s WAY easier to start from a position of alpha and add a little bit of vulnerability than it is to start from a position of beta and trying to add a “side of alpha.” The touch of alpha is never believable to her. She sees it as you putting on a show.
Men have a burden of performance. They’ve got to be better than they were yesterday.
Thanks for reading my notes. I hope you found them valuable.
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